It all started in first grade. Yes, I was a first grader when I started being someone I wasn't. I had a crush on a guy in my class. At that time gel pens were a big thing! If you had gel pens, you were popular. Well, all I wanted to do was draw with my gel pens, but my crush liked to play with 'Lincoln Logs'. For a girl, Lincoln Logs were pretty boring. While guys have this big imagination thinking of big towers or nice log cabins, we're thinking, "So, you put this log over here and this one over there, and look! I made a square!" As I said before, it was boring, but I played with Lincoln Logs anyhow. After a few months I went back to drawing with gel pens and never played with Lincoln Logs again. Now, you would think I would've learned from my boredom of stacking so many logs that I would just be myself. Nope! I, unfortunately, did not.
Let's go to third grade. I had a crush on a different guy, who was actually best friends with my other crush from first grade. I had a crush on this guy for a few years, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Third grade was the year I started playing basketball. Now, you all are probably thinking, "Aww! So, that was the year she wanted to try playing basketball." Yup, but not for a good reason. I gave up 6 years of dance for a new sport just because my crush loved playing basketball. I thought, "Okay, so if he sees me playing basketball and sees me all the time, he'll fall in love with me." I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. I was like a lovesick pup.
Fourth grade! Fourth grade was when I really started to take a turning point. Fourth grade was the year when I started to look and act like a tomboy. I used to be this girly girl who was all about wearing nice clothes and turned into a tomboy who would have their bangs hanging in front of their face and would wear a sweatshirt all the time. Also, I used to always play tag with the girls, but then I started playing soccer with the boys.
Fifth grade was when I started really hanging out with the boys. At recess we would always play soccer, but all of a sudden soccer was out and tag football was in. I knew nothing about football! I asked two boys in my class if they could help me understand football. They were so nice, and they stayed right beside me to see that I knew what I was doing. After a few epic fails I finally got it down! I found it actually really fun!
(Cue evil song) Middle school! I don't know about you guys, but middle school was not one of my favorites. You start seeing who is the popular kids and who is not. I was not one of the popular kids, and I was fine with that until lunch time. Lunch time was when you really started to see it. My grade had two lunch tables, popular and unpopular. Population at popular table = a lot. Population at unpopular table = 2. Even in middle school I still did some crazy stuff for guys. No, I did not break the rules for guys, but I did somethings that made me look pretty odd. In middle school the teachers would get candy for us if we said our assigned bible verses right, or we had our homework done or other things like that. Well, at that time I had braces, and for my crush, who I had a crush on ever since third grade, I would walk up to him and give him my candy and use the excuse of, "I can't eat it because of my braces". Even though I could've totally eaten it, I thought this would make him think I was nice. He didn't make fun of me, at least in front of me, but he would say thanks and that was it. So, there was no sign of love there.
Now, let's go forward a year or two. I was still in middle school, but I started homeschool. I was in eighth grade at this time now and I found a new crush at my mom's bible study. He was not into sports, or Lincoln Logs, but he was into John Deere tractors and trucks. He was nice and sort of took me the way I was, but my old habits started to come into affect again and I tried to talk to him about tractors and trucks. I had a little bit working my way because I grew up on a dairy farm. We had John Deere tractors and they were fun to ride on, but trucks were a whole different monster to me. As years went on I started to find a liking for trucks and then that turned into a love for trucks, but no guy.
In the end of all this there were some good things and some things I wish I would've figured out. My mistake with basketball turned into a blessing. God took my mistake of playing basketball to get a guy and turned it into something I can't even think about not having in my life. I played basketball for 10 years and I am now a basketball coach and just love helping kids learn how to play basketball. The tractors and trucks mistake, that turned out good in the end too! I am now learning more and more about what kind of vehicle I want and what I don't want. I'm learning about how things work in vehicles, and I'm learning that I have a hardcore love for trucks that I didn't know about. Oops! I almost forgot. Also, by me wanting to learn so much more about trucks, it has brought me and my dad even closer and now we do projects on our F-250 almost all the time. It's so fun to see what something different in a vehicle will do to affect the vehicle's performance! The Lincoln Logs, I honestly have no lesson behind that one besides, if you're playing Lincoln Logs with a little kid you know what to expect.
Even though things turned out a little bit nice, I still wish I would've had better reasons to do the things I did rather than do them to get a guy. It's not bad to try new things, but do them because you want to, not to get someone to like you. You can't make someone like you, but you can be kind and be yourself. I know that is hard in our society, because it seems like if you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend throughout your youth then something is wrong with you. First, getting into a relationship just because you want to say to your friends you have a 'special someone' is not a good reason to get into a relationship. Second, even if you aren't in a relationship that does not mean something is wrong with you. I was in the whole 'I need a boyfriend' thought process once. I almost started a relationship with someone and at first it was like, "Yeah that's nice, but I don't want to get into a relationship". But then I started thinking about that I might finally have someone I can call my boyfriend. It sounded nice and that is what Satan wanted me to do. In the end, I didn't do it and I'm glad I didn't. By starting a relationship just to fit in society would not only hurt me, but I'd also be hurting the other person. All they wanted to do was get to know me better, and I was going to use it for my selfish benefits just to fit in. It says in the bible we are not of this world. As Christians we should not become of this world. We are not in this world forever. This is just temporary, so why would we want to try and fit in if we're not going to be there forever? Satan wants us to be someone we are not and make bad decisions, God wants us to be ourselves and enjoy life while serving Him.
So, the ending to my post is this, be yourself. You are not bad. You are not a mistake. You do not need to change anything about yourself just to get people to like you. If you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, be proud of that! It just shows that you are waiting for God to bring the right person into your life. Being single is just a season. It's just temporary. Take this season of singleness to help others and bring glory to God. Also, have fun! :)
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